


Let Me Hold The Sky

by LupusCraven



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Chansaw, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Manic Bipolar Disorder, More Hurt Than Comfort, Nightmares, Psychological Disorder, READ NOTES, Self-Harm, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 04:00:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14180100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LupusCraven/pseuds/LupusCraven
Summary: The sky seemed to be falling around her,Shattering and soon she couldn't breathe,Suffocating from her own faults...The sky was falling,And she gave up on trying to hold it alone.





	Let Me Hold The Sky

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, Guys. 
> 
> So, this story is a little different from most of my smutty and happy go lucky stories you normally see on my page, and I'd like to say a few words before actually getting into it. 
> 
> What is depicted in this story before you even read are the following,   
> Self-Harm (Not too explicit, but explicit enough),  
> Major Depression,   
> Symptoms of untreated Bipolar Disorder   
> A cross between a Manic Episode and a Depressive Episode,  
> Night Terrors.
> 
> While the end does hold its own mood,   
> If anything above triggers you,   
> Move on. 
> 
> I don't want to get comments saying how your offended and screaming to me about how people who suffer from BPD don't act like this,   
> Hi,   
> I wouldn't be writing about something like this,   
> If I didn't know what it was like first-hand.   
> So,   
> Now that that's settled. 
> 
> Another thing before you go on,  
> I know,  
> I'm just your neighborhood smut writer,  
> Someone you might keep up with and someone you might not,  
> But,  
> No matter what,  
> I'm always open to talk.  
> I don't even know you, and I don't care that I don't know you,  
> If you're going through something and seem like you need someone new to talk with,  
> I'm here for you.  
> I've experienced a lot within my life and know what it's like to feel at a point where you can't turn to the people around you so instead you turn to the people on the other side of a screen because somehow a stranger provides you more comfort than anyone close to home could.  
> It's odd,   
> Trust me when I say I know,  
> I've gone through phases like that myself and have always found someone away from home to help me and trust me when I say you pull through and you get better.
> 
> Without much else to say,  
> ~Carry On.  
> -Lupus

Heather couldn't stop the tears that streamed down her face as pain surged through her system.  
It had been so long since she last found herself breaking down,  
And the last time she could remember,  
It wasn't this severe. 

Her episodes would come and go,  
But when they came,  
She was always left alone to fight them on her own.  
The pain amounted and the world seemed to be crashing down around her.  
With no one to turn to,  
She looked at her reflection in the mirror,  
Watching the blood slip down her arms,  
Slipping between her fingers before dropping into the sink below. 

In her left hand,  
She held a dismantled razor.  
The blades having been ripped out of the protective holders,  
She just winced as she held it tightly between her index finger and her thumb,  
Her mind going numb as the blade pushed into her fingertips. 

This is what she had amounted to..  
Despite all of the world falling to their knees when she entered a room,  
When she went home,  
She was alone.  
She was lonely with no one to turn to,  
An no one would ever know that..  
They couldn't..  
No one could ever see the Demon Queen of Westerburg in such a disheveled state,  
Such a vulnerable state...  
A state in which she would rather bleed out to death in her bathroom sink than live bearing the world's problems and protecting her girls at all costs.

"They need me..." 

Heather mumbled as she held the razor between her finger tips,  
Slowly hovering it over her right forearm.  
Watching the blood build up in certain places,  
Darkening in color as more and more slipped from the fresh cuts.  
She couldn't stop the small laugh that left her as she placed the blade on the counter,  
Pain shooting through her arm as she gripped the counter with her hands.  
Letting a cry leave her as she pushed her arms against the counter,  
She took a step back,  
Looking up at herself,  
Tears slipped down her cheeks,  
Joining the blood that was slipping down the drain.

"You're so pathetic!  
What would they say if they could see you now?" 

Heather could see the fear in her eyes despite the anger that clouded her voice.  
She was upset with herself..  
Nothing would take that away.  
The anger that was evident in her tone was held by a persona she held high and kept in the light for as long as she could,  
A persona that allowed her to be strong when everyone else fell apart at the seams.  
Then there were days like this...  
Where she wished that it didn't exist and she was just another nobody lost in the crowd. 

"N-No..  
Th-They.."

Slamming her hand down against the counter,  
She let out a pained cry against gritted teeth as the pain shot through her massacred arm.  
Clenching her teeth together,  
As she looked down into the sink,  
A smile replaced her pained frown,  
Her grin widened as she watched her tears slip against the blood pooling in the sink.  
For a moment,  
Time stopped.  
Her heart skipped a beat and it was as if a switch flicked and she realized that what she was doing wasn't okay.

_This isn't us..  
_ _No!  
_ _Th-This..  
This isn't me.._

When she looked back up into the mirror,  
Fear took over her body.  
She began to shake and she saw herself for what she was..  
Despite having all of the power in the world,  
She was a scared child stuck playing with fire that was meant for grown ups..  
Forced to grow up faster than she wanted,  
Forced to take on responsibility that she wasn't meant to ever obtain..  
She saw herself for who she was..  
She saw herself for who she was meant to be..

_This isn't me..._

The tears that slipped down her face were real,  
The crack in her heart she felt as her hand came to cover her mouth,  
It was all real...  
The blood from her fingertips slipped down her lips as she held her mouth,  
Backing away from the counter as she began to cry.

"N-No!  
No,  
No,  
No!  
This..  
This wasn't-" 

She couldn't stop herself from crying,  
The overwhelming pain took control of her and she felt her back connect with the wall and she was forced to look back at herself.  
The woman she had grown up seeing herself being..  
Wasn't at all who she was now.

"This-" 

Something snapped in her mind and she twitched as she let out a laugh,  
Watching herself suffer in the mirror..

_Is this truly who I am..?_

"This is pathetic!  
Look at you!  
Such a pathetic excuse for a leader.  
This is what you deserve, Heather.  
This is what you get for failing them.  
For failing-  
V-Ver-Veroni-Veronica.." 

The temptation came like a tsunami,  
Flooding her mind as she let out a laugh,  
Taking steps towards the counter,  
She swiped the blade up,  
Unable to stop herself..  
Unable to feel the way the blade slid across her skin,  
Until the deed was done and the line from her wrist to where her arm bent was complete.  
Blood poured from the cut and she felt herself grow light headed as the door to her private bathroom slammed open.

"Heather!" 

Arms grabbed her quickly,  
Bleeding into the blue blazer the girl wore,  
And in that moment,  
Heather shattered.

Her reality was broken.  
Her persona left her and she was left to herself.  
She wasn't able to be strong anymore,  
She wasn't able to fight against the hands that ran through her hair,  
Trying to shush her cries. 

"Heather,  
Stop.  
Stop,  
Heather..  
It's okay..  
It's okay..."

Veronica held the girl tightly in her arms as they reached the floor,  
Veronica rocking the girl back in forth in her hold as she held her close to her heart,  
Letting the girl hear her beating heart that beat for her,  
And her only..

Heather couldn't hold the girl,  
The pain from her arms holding her back as her cries echoed off the walls in the bathroom,  
Bouncing back to her every time and crippling her from ever uttering a word as Veronica held her,  
Rocking them back and forth as she felt warmth flood over her frozen system.

She was frozen.  
Trapped in a cage that she created,  
Her walls were up and weren't able to be thawed as much as she wanted them to be melted away.  
The warmth Veronica brought her killed her slowly as it flooded over her body.  
She just wanted to be left alone..

"You're okay now..  
Heather..  
I-I have you now..  
You're safe.." 

Blood soaked the girl's blue blazer,  
And Veronica continued to hold Heather.  
It was all she could do in that moment. 

Veronica blamed herself for everything...  
Not once could she see the way the girl switched at the flick of a switch,  
Not once could she see the pain in Heather's eyes,  
The fake smiles she wore,  
The endearing smirks she gave,  
The way her powerful stride faltered when she was behind closed doors.  
She saw none of that..  
She only saw someone who was empowered and had the world under their fingertips,  
And she hated that...  
She hated that she couldn't see the fact that Heather had always been broken,  
Deranged..  
Shattered...  
She was held captive in her own world,  
And Veronica could do so little to help her..  
She was there for the girl,  
By her side whenever she wanted her to be..

_"Where were you..?"_

The words that left Heather in a pained cry caused Veronica's heart to stop beating.  
Heather pushed her away with what little strength she had left in her body,  
Blood smacking against the floor as her wounds still openly bled,  
Causing her to lose more and more blood by the second. 

_**"Where were you?"** _

Heather stood up,  
Stumbling back on her feet as she looked down at Veronica,  
Tears streaming down her face as she shook her head as the girl before her looked down to the floor below,  
Refusing to make eye contact with the younger blonde who had trusted her with her life. 

"You were supposed to protect me!  
I trusted you!" 

The way the words painfully left Heather's mouth had Veronica clenching her teeth together as she looked at the floor,  
Her eyes closing tightly together as she fought the pain that soon came over her. 

_You were supposed to be there!  
_ _Be there to protect me!  
To save me from them!  
Where were you...? _

"I didn't know.." 

Upon hearing those words,  
Heather shook her head.  
Her hands ran through her hair before grabbing at her hair,  
Turning around before looking back to Veronica.

"Y-You-You didn't know?  
That's your excuse?" 

Veronica slowly stood up,  
Slowly picking her head up to look into Heather's eyes,  
And for once,  
Veronica could clearly see the fear lining the girl's eyes.  
She was falling apart and Veronica couldn't do anything about it..  
She hadn't been strong enough to know when Heather was in pain..  
She wasn't strong enough to hold her up when she needed her the most..

_"I...  
_ _I'm sorry, Heather..."_

At those words,  
Heather cracked.  
She held the counter,  
Pain coursing through her system as she shook her head.

This wasn't what she saw..  
This wasn't how she pictured the night going,  
This wasn't how she saw herself living!  
Living in fear of being alone!  
Unable to live without someone by her side..  
Or else...  
 _Or else they'd break through..._

"No!  
No,  
No,  
No!  
No, you're not!"

Heather glared at Veronica,  
Pain clouding her eyes,  
Anger grabbing her words and raking through them as she spoke.  
Her teeth gritted together,  
Clenching to where Veronica was sure if she clamped her jaw together any tighter she'd crack her teeth and draw blood.  
Her eyes widened at the sight,  
But she didn't turn away.  
Her words were false.  
She cared so much for Heather no matter how much the blonde denied her the right to.  
She would love her and protect her till the day she died,  
Whether Heather liked it or not. 

"Heather,  
I'm  _ **sorry**_."

The words echoed throughout Heather's head and all she did was shake it away,  
Wanting to rid herself of hearing the words.  
Footsteps sounded in her ears,  
Sounding so far away,  
Yet they were so near..  
Pain clouded her system and as Veronica rested a hand firmly on the girl's shoulder,  
Heather went to push the girl away from her and as she did so,  
Veronica gave her a small smile. 

What she needed..  
Was  
 _Love._

Her entire life..  
She was deprived of the one thing that she longed for.  
Acceptance.  
Approval.  
The belief that everything she did was right,  
She was denied that! 

Veronica held her shoulder steadily in her weary grasp,  
Looking right back into Heather's silver eyes that clouded over in sorrow and pain,  
Anger and frustration,  
Agony and regret...  
She went to speak,  
Knowing that what she was doing was what was meant to happen.

"Heather...  
 _I'm sorry-"_

"No, you're not!" 

Trying to push the girl away,  
Veronica whispered an apology in her mind as she grabbed the girl by her shoulders,  
Keeping her firmly in front of her,  
Forcing her to look back into her strong yet fearful gaze.  
She was breaking apart herself..  
They both were..  
Heather needed Veronica now more than she ever did before,  
And she'd be damned to let her slip between her fingers after so long.

"Yes, I am-" 

"No...  
No, you aren't-"

"Yes, I am,  
Heather..  
I'm sorry.  
I'm sorry for everything!  
I'm sorry for everything that the world ever did to hurt you,  
I'm sorry for everything I couldn't stop,  
I'm so sorry.." 

Heather began to cry as she looked into the girl's eyes,  
Shaking her head as she was forced to listen to the older girl holding her in place,  
The words echoing through her mind and off the walls around them.

"Stop it!  
You're not sorry!  
No one is-"

"Heather,  
I'm sorry!  
 _I'm so,  
_ _So..  
Sorry.  
What the world did to hurt you..  
Who broke your trust..  
Who broke your heart,  
Who shattered your sense of reality..  
I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you." _

Breaking free from the girl's grasp,  
Heather pushed Veronica back,  
Grabbing the blade off the counter,  
She pointed it at her as though she were going to take a slice at her.  
Veronica's back connected with the floor and she looked up at the girl,  
A frown clear on her features as she watched the girl.

"No one is sorry!  
 _Just.. **Shut up.  
**_ No one is sorry for anything they've ever done to me,  
What makes you believe that I'll listen to you?  
No one cares about what they've done to me,  
No one would care if I disappeared and stopped coming to school,  
Veronica..  
No one..   
 _No one would care."_

As Heather drew the blade closer to her arm,  
Veronica got up quickly,  
Whining as she smacked the girl's hand,  
The blade slid against the floor and beneath the door to the bathroom closet.  
Heather cried out in pain and was forced back against the wall and Veronica looked into her eyes,  
Pain and sympathy clouding them as she spoke,  
Shaking her head as she let her words leave her.  
She couldn't speak for the world..  
She knew she had no right to..  
But she had no other choice.  
The false comfort,  
The false love,  
The lies and the ugly truth..  
It pained her so much to know she couldn't get through to the blonde she had come to cherish..

_I was meant to protect you.._

"Heather,  
I care-" 

"No, you don't.." 

Heather let out in a scared whisper as she sunk into the wall behind her,  
Whimpering quietly as Veronica pushed against her shoulders,  
Forced to look into the brunette's eyes. 

"I care about you so much, Heather..  
I care so much.  
I care that you feel pain,  
I care that you're hurting yourself,  
That every time you're alone you feel unworthy to live,  
You feel unfit to lead.  
I care that when you're alone you feel pathetic and that you're purpose in this world is so one sided that no one seems to care about you.  
I'm here for you..  
I'm here for you and you only!   
Fuck the world out there,  
So what if they don't care about you?" 

Veronica dropped her head at her words,  
Tears stinging in her eyes as she felt her heart beating harshly against her rib cage,  
Forcing her to speak more,  
But when she looked up into Heather's eyes,  
She saw pure fear.  
The blonde before her was wide eyed,  
Tears streaming down freckled cheeks and Veronica couldn't stop the whine that left with her words. 

"I love you..   
Heather..  
 _I love you so much..  
_ I love everything about you.  
All your flaws..  
All the little things you do!  
God,  
Heather,  
I-" 

Veronica let her grip on the girl's shoulders go,  
And she ran a hand through her hair as she stepped away from the girl,  
Looking back to her and scaring her with the volume of her voice,  
The strength behind her words.

"Heather...  
I'm sorry...  
I know you don't think I am,  
And I know you don't think the world is,  
But who cares..  
I'm sorry..  
I'm sorry for everything.  
The world hurt you and I wasn't there to save you from it,  
I'm sorry that you were deprived of love,  
That your parents don't care that you go to school every morning with tears in your eyes and a crack in your heart.  
I'm sorry they don't love you like parents are supposed to,  
That they don't give you a hug in the morning and a kiss at night..  
They don't protect you from boys who can't keep their hands to themselves,  
Heather,  
I'm sorry!" 

Veronica could feel the pain coursing through her veins,  
Her stomach churning as she felt as though she would vomit from the amount of strength her words held.  
She meant every word she said and Heather knew that..  
She could only sit in silence and watch the girl and listen as tears slipped down her face,  
Joining the blood on the floor below. 

"I'm sorry that the world is cruel..  
If I could take you away from it,  
I would..  
If I could be by your side every minute of the day so you wouldn't cut yourself and tear your heart out,  
I would.  
Just say the word and I'm yours,  
Heather,  
I love you too much to see you hurt yourself like this and the day I'm too late to save you I won't forgive myself!  
Heather!  
Please!  
I fucking love you!  
Can't you see that?  
Stop being such a selfish bitch!  
Stop thinking the world owes you an apology,  
It doesn't!" 

"R-Ronnie..-"

"Please..  
Just let me love you..  
Let me be your protector,  
Let me take the sky for you when everything comes crashing down,  
You've carried it too long and your back is breaking,  
Your mask is falling apart..  
I'm sorry I couldn't see it till now,  
I'm sorry I couldn't see when you needed me the most,  
When you would come to school with a fake smile and I'd brush it off when you would give me a hug in the hall,  
I'm sorry I couldn't see you hurting...  
 _I'm sorry I couldn't hear you crying out my name when you were on the verge of dying..."_

"Veronica.." 

Heather's arms wrapped around the girl and Veronica was forced to grab the girl tightly,  
Holding her close to her,  
Protecting her from the world around them..  
The sky was falling and together they stood in between it all,  
Letting the world around them come crashing down while they stood on the one pillar that refused to crash to the abyss below..

"Just let me help you..  
Let me protect you..  
You're such a strong woman, Heather..  
Let me take the reigns for a while..  
Let me be the eagle in the sky while you can be a mouse scurrying below..  
Let me bear your burdens and wear your crown while you take a break..  
Let me hold the sky..  
Please,  
Heather..." 

Heather could only give the girl a weak nod of her head,  
Whimpering quietly into the crook of the girl's neck,  
Wincing as Veronica ran her hand through the girl's hair. 

For the strongest eagle of them all..  
She needed a break.  
Her feathers were burning,  
Her heart was bleeding..  
No matter how much she called out,  
Her calls had all gone unheard..

Until Veronica held her close and promised her this,

_"No matter how heavy the world is..  
When you don't want to carry it anymore..  
When you need someone to hold you close and tell you how great of a person you are..  
When you need someone to carry you to bed at night and cuddle you till you fall fast asleep..  
I promise I'll be by your side forever,  
Heather...  
I won't let anyone hurt you..  
Not again..  
Not now..  
Not ever..  
I promise I will love you like you deserve,  
That I will stand by you when no one else will,  
I'll be there when you need me most..  
I'm yours...  
Everything is going to be okay now,  
Baby, Breathe..  
The sky is mine and you need to rest..  
Let me hold it up for the night..  
The Queen needs to rest for a while and then come morning it'll be yours if you want it again..  
Just let me hold you close..  
No one will ever hurt you again..  
I have you, Heather..  
You're safe..  
I promise." _

* * *

**"Veronica!"**

Her scream tore out through the room and arms wrapped protectively around her,  
Pulling her close to her chest and tears slid out of the girl's eyes as she shook her head.

"Heather,   
You're-" 

"I'm sorry.  
I'm sorry,  
I'm sorry,  
I'm sorry,  
 _I'm sorry..."_

With each breath her voice grew weaker and weaker,   
Her whispers dying out into whimpers as she held onto Veronica tightly.  
Her eyes closed and she could feel the tears slip down her cheeks.

"Heather,  
You're okay..  
It was just a dream,  
You're okay.." 

Holding the girl tightly,  
Veronica kissed her head softly,  
Holding her close and promising her that everything was going to be okay. 

_It wasn't a dream.._

Pain shot through her system and entered her core as she held Veronica tightly,  
Her wrists throbbed and she knew it was all a lie. 

_"Heather!  
What're you doing?" _

_Veronica ran to the blonde's side,  
Taking the blade out of the girl's hand and throwing it in the trash behind them.  
Her hands instantly went to respective places,  
One headed for the sink,  
Another wrapping around the girl's wrist,  
Keeping her steady as she looked into the girl's scared silver eyes..  
The only words Heather could muster were,_

**_"I'm sorry."_ **

Heather froze as she was flush against Veronica's chest,  
Her breathing slowing down as she listened to Veronica count the seconds for her,  
Calming her down the best she could..

She was holding the sky..

"You're okay..  
I have you,  
You're safe..  
Nothing can hurt you." 

Veronica kissed the girl's forehead,  
Running her hands through her hair as she let her slowly calm down.

Heather didn't dare speak a word.  
Despite the pain from staying quiet,  
She endured it and let out a sigh as Veronica slipped her hand down her back,  
Running circles over her lower back.

"Nothing can hurt you here, Baby..  
No one,  
Nothing,  
If someone came through the window I'd probably scream first before pushing them out,  
But I mean-" 

Heather let out a small chuckle at this,  
Catching Veronica off guard and causing the girl to smile softly. 

It was the little things that kept her going. 

"You're okay.." 

Veronica let a small kiss rest on the girl's forehead and her eyes widened as Heather picked her head up and their lips connected  
Their nude bodies were flush against one another and Veronica smiled into the kiss as she heard Heather whimper quietly.  
This was what the girl had wanted..  
To be held..  
To be safe..  
 _To be loved._

"I-" 

"If you say you're sorry one more time, I'm gonna have to shut you up." 

Veronica couldn't stop the small chuckle that came with her words.  
As much as she loved to hear Heather's beautiful voice,  
When it came to hearing it waver and shake when saying two simple words,  
She didn't want to hear it.  
The girl's soothing voice was an angel's song any day,  
But when she was shaking in her arms and melting against her touch,  
She was her's and she wanted her safe and sound..

The small hum Heather gave in response as Veronica rested her hands on both of Heather's sides allowed Veronica to smile brightly as she kissed the girl.  
She guided the blonde back against the pillows,  
Letting blonde curls fan out against the pillows as she ran kisses up from her stomach,  
Across her breasts,  
Up her neck,  
And as Veronica looked into the girl's eyes,  
Heather slowly let a smile replace her frown.

"I love you, Princess." 

Veronica could see the roll of Heather's eyes as the girl pulled her down against her chest,  
Sighing as she let her words out softly.

"God,  
I hate when you call me that."

Veronica smirked against the girl,  
Flicking her tongue across the girl's nipple and getting a smack at her back before Heather pushed her to the side with a laugh.

"Oh come on,  
You love it." 

Heather rolled onto her side,  
Following Veronica with her eyes as the girl flipped over to face her.  
Veronica came to wrap her arms around Heather,   
Pulling her close to where they touched.

"I got the sky tonight,  
Go it?" 

Heather gave a small nod,  
Slowly nuzzling her head against the girl,  
Smiling as Veronica rested her hand against her stomach,  
Running her thumb in circles.

"Mhm.." 

The small hum the girl gave let Veronica smile with ease as she kissed the girl's forehead,  
Savoring the moment with a content sigh. 

"Thank you, Ronnie.." 

Veronica nodded her head,  
Breathing in the girl's scent as she held Heather close,  
Keeping her safe from the sky falling around them. 

_"Get some rest, Heather..  
_ _The sky will still be there in the morning for you to take back..  
_ _Just let me hold it tonight."_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Writing Time: 
> 
> Start time:  
> 9:43 PM 
> 
> End Time:   
> 11:03 PM


End file.
